Burnout in a Can: How Traditional Energy Drinks Run on Planned Obsolescence

6 Minute Read

Walk into any corner convenience store, and you’ll find more than a few shelves full of shiny cans promising limitless energy, zoned-in focus, boosted metabolism, and the answer to your existential crises. But have you ever wondered — if energy drinks are so great — why do you feel so sh*t like, 5 hours after finishing one? No worries — you can just grab another, but doesn’t that seem a little… seamy? Well, it’s the same reason those super cute jeans you bought last year are already tearing at the seams — they’re supposed to fail so you have to keep buying more.

This is a cornerstone of our consumer culture, and it’s called planned obsolescence. You very well may have heard the term used for fast fashion or Apple’s endless model upgrades that only upgrade your frustration. They don’t stop updating your 3-year-old laptop because they can’t; they stop updating it because it’s not making them more money — it’s better for them if you just buy a new one and chuck the old one.

But it’s not just these markets that use planned obsolescence and its BFF, perceived obsolescence, to boost profits — the energy supplement market thrives off it, too. Becoming a savvy consumer is about seeing through the smoke and mirrors and realizing that Elphaba was right all along — the Wizard is just a manipulative loser who’s really into theatrics, not substance.

#WickedForGood

Let’s talk a bit about planned obsolescence, how it applies to the energy drink market, and how we can use perceived obsolescence in our favor to turn the tables on Big Caffeine.

The Business of Short-Term Energy: Calling Out Caffeine

We talk about the caffeine roller coaster all the time here, in the sense that it boosts your energy and focus for a few hours, but leaves you empty and exhausted shortly after. It keeps you reaching for another cup of coffee, another can of bang! - whatever - and you can’t get off the caffeine hamster wheel. Everyone gets it, okay, okay. But this isn’t just a phenomenon borne through the shortcomings of caffeine - it’s a multi-level marketing scam energy drink companies use to keep us conditioned and complacent.

*Puts on tinfoil hat.*

Think about it. The biochemical obsolescence of caffeine turns it from a short-term convenience to a cyclic necessity. They know it doesn’t last, and they know it’s addictive. Seriously, caffeine and sugar are two of the most addictive substances people consume, and they’re all over the grocery store aisles — of course we don’t suspect they can be so detrimental!

But it’s more than that, because the constant rebranding is another ploy to distract us from the fact that 400 mg of caffeine a day and functioning on no sleep isn’t insane and unsustainable. Seasonal flavors, limited editions, and buzz words that signal “healthy” but aren’t are a cycle of their own. What even is “clean caffeine”?

But it’s also more than that. Because we’ve absorbed all of this into the cultural lexicon. Caffeine-packed energy drinks are now the tool of the trendy gamer. Monster literally made a 0-cal drink marketed specifically to women (Could you be more obsolete than 1990s gender marketing?). Chewable caffeine packs are the new fad for students who study late, and stimulant protein powders are the gym rat’s best friend.

*Adjusts tinfoil hat.*

We’ve been brainwashed by the energy market, and the proof is how embedded it is. The vocab is pervasive — no days off, hustle culture, boss babe — speed and productivity is king and sleep is an inconvenience. When we’re constantly being bombarded with ads and reels that frame exhaustion as a badge of honor, our energy autonomy quietly erodes, right under our feet. And once the ground around you falls away, you’re left in the caffeine chasm, where there’s no way out but also no alternative. It’s brilliant when you think about it.

Taking Back the Day: Busting Big Caffeine’s Biggest Scam

We think there’s a perceived obsolescence raging underneath all that caffeine and sugar — a resistance movement that’s aware the caffeine cycle is an absolute joke but doesn’t know where to turn. Because the fact is, we are always tired, and life simply doesn’t have room for us to disappear into the woods for a few days and just ... not. And it’s not enough to say, Well, these cans are 200 mg of caffeine, but it’s all green tea. Or, well, I only have a fourth cup of coffee when I really need it — it’s not every day.

We need to straight up red pill this problem.

There have always been solutions, they’re just not awesome for the bottom line of massive energy drink conglomerates. But nootropics much healthier than caffeine are out there, and they’re not as difficult to find anymore because wellness companies like MTE are trying to change the tide. Nootropics are compounds that modulate specific neurotransmitters associated with learning, memory, focus, and energy. But unlike caffeine, others can do it without using a false stress response as the energy-boosting mechanism.

Once you remove that nasty mechanism, you get energy that’s actually healthy — that supports mood, recovery, immunity, sleep. And all this stuff also boosts stress resilience instead of chipping it all away. The trick is for these new-agey energy powder supplements to avoid giving cult-like conspiracy character vibes, which is why here we like to get right down to the science 🤓.

Here’s a brief overview of MTE’s nootropics with links to deep-dive articles:

Paraxanthine: A native byproduct of caffeine, paraxanthine provides sustained, even energy, calm focus, and a metabolism boost — all without the bad mood and sleep disruption.
- Deep dive: Paraxanthine: A Healthy, Thermogenic, Fat-Burning Boost
Saffron: A powerhouse nootropic and anti-oxidant, the phytochemicals in saffron boost mood, resist stress, scavenge free radicals, and promote more energy, better focus, and improved recovery.
- Deep dive: Spotlight on Saffron & How Plant Biology Interacts with Human Health
GABA: A native amino acid and neurotransmitter, GABA calms overexcited neurons for a clear calm — not associated with drowsiness — that also supports immunity and sleep health.
- Deep dive: GABA: Nootropic, Amino Acid, Neurotransmitter, or All of the Above?
Theanine: L-theanine is an amino acid associated with increased alpha-wave brain activity for zoned-in focus, boosted mood, and reduced fatigue without overstimulation.
- Deep dive: Everything You Need to Know About L-Theanine

So if you’re looking to shake off the caffeine tremors and switch out stimulant productivity supplements for something that’s going to say less and do more, MTE is a new-agey daily energy drink, but it’s entrenched in evidence-based theory, not Illuminati illusion.

Learn more about MTE’s ingredients and try a pack — see what happens in just a month living outside the simulation.